Aoi Insanity
by Writing Otaku
Summary: [Aoi House] A collection of oneshots. Some cowritten, some not. Fear the pantyeating hamster.
1. Case of the Missing Lolly

**(A/N - This is not a solo project. I worked with Unknown Crazy on this (She's not on this site; don't bother looking for her.) and... I think that's it! Enjoy!)**

That Saturday morning, Morgan McKnight woke up with exactly five lollipops the size of her head. She had been collecting them for a while, and saving them for a special occasion. (She had eaten one when her yaoi pet joined, even though the other girls kept calling him "Alex" for reasons Morgan didn't care about.)

Morgan was digging hastily through the piles of clothing that afternoon, after noticing that she was missing a lollipop in order to make a straight line from wall-to-wall to walk Echiboo back and forth on. "My lollies are unfindable!" she exclaimed to the poor hamster, who let out a sympathetic "Boo" in response. "Now you won't be able to cross the taffies to get to Pezzie Mountain!" She picked up one of the Laffy Taffy bars she had laid out as a prop, walking back and forth across the room. "What will we do, Ecchie?" She asked, continuing to scan the room for her missing candy.

"Boo! Boo!" squeaked the brown-and-white furball as it jumped up and down, holding the tiny camera that was given to Morgan in its paws.

Morgan gasped with delight. "The Ecchi-cam!" she squealed. Morgan attached it to the hamster quickly, and found the tuner under the bed. She knew Echiboo was automatically attracted to Elle's panties, but she waved one of the lollipops in front of his nose. "Go find it!" Morgan cheered as Echiboo scampered around the corner.

Morgan sat on her bed, still chewing on her candy as the tiny screen showed the shaking hallway. With another shake of the camera, it showed the box-filled boys' room. "SQUEEEE! I knew my yaoi pet wanted some!" She squealed, only to find Echiboo had gone in for only one mission; chewing on Sandy's nearly-vacant computer chair.

_He must want some candy. _Morgan thought. "I'll give you some candy if you find my lolly!" She heard the tiny feet get going again as the screen flashed back to the hallway, moving up and down as Echiboo ran. He slid under the door of Elle's perfect room. The girl sat at her computer, her manicured fingernails clicking flatly every time she hit a key on the keyboard.

"I should have never let Nina have the password to this web page!" Elle cursed to herself. "I knew she wrote like a kid, but not like a kindergartner." She was to busy chewing herself out to realize the tiny fuzzball making it's way up her dresser.

_I knew Ellie wanted my lollies! She's jealous of my candy! _Morgan mused to herself as the chibi hamster wiggled into the cracked top drawer. The screen showed bright pinks and yellows, moving to the left and the right softly, before they finally stopped.

"NOO! ECHIBOO'S DEAD!" The co-conspirator shouted, running down the wood-floored hallway to Elle's room, only to skid all the way to the den. She slid back to her previous destination, running then colliding with Elle's dresser.

"Morgan!" Elle warned, stunned. "Who said you…" She stopped short of a full question as a furry head with big eyes poked out of the drawer, a thong dripping off one ear.

"Boo!" The hamster rejoiced, standing up in his palace of Elle's panties where he had slept before.

Elle's cheeks flushed as she jumped out of her chair. Morgan reached up for the pet, completely oblivious to Elle's temper. "Morgan!" She shouted, gripping a pillow off of her bed. "GET THAT HAMSTER OUT OF HERE!" She hit her squealing housemate as Morgan ran off with the would-be traumatized pet.

Meanwhile, Nina sat in her room, chewing on a stick as she read the previews for the latest Final Fantasy game. That sucker had been big, but she needed that hand-to-mouth interaction if she was ever going to give up smoking. The sucker had lasted a while, but now it was gone, leaving her with nothing other than the stick it had been attached to.

_Note to self, _Nina thought as she flipped a page in her magazine. _Never steal candy from Morgan's room with the expectation that it was made in the last three months._


	2. Synch or Swim

**(A/N – Another one co-written with Unknown Crazy. I was the one that added the Hagaren reference, because Aoi House has NINA so I figured there should be… well, you get the point. Enjoy!)**

A frustrated Nina rested her eyes in her hand as she sat on the damp wooden bench in her swimming suit. A towel hung off one shoulder as she cursed her own luck.

_Why, why, WHY did that girl have to get sick RIGHT BEFORE the competition? _She was thinking over top the messy splashes and yelps she heard from the pool in front of her. _I mean, couldn't someone else have a better replacement for the team than _this? She looked up, only to find Sandy floating on his back in fake agony. Nina compared him to a dead whale.

"Let's try it again." Nina sighed, starting the music over before jumping in beside him. Her head came above the water. "This is like a _dance_. You have to feel the music." She briefed Sandy before reciting the instructions she had given him way too many times already. "Move your arms like this." She said, moving as the music cooed.

Sandy mimicked the movement, raising his arms at the angle he thought Nina had hers in. "Then lean back," Nina instructed, moving as she said. Again, Sandy copied. "Then dip and kick!" She instructed, before diving so that her upper body was under the water. She performed a handstand for two seconds, touched the surface of the water with one foot, then performed a backflip before resurfacing.

Sandy, with a hopeless frown on his face, attempted to do the same thing. He dived under the water, but spread his hands at least six inches away from his shoulders. He attempted to perform a handstand, but his hands slipped, making the rest of his body hit the water with a heavy splash.

Nina crossed her arms in front of her chest, thinking of the competition that was in six hours. _Maybe if a judge has a heart attack, we'll win._ She mused, arching an eyebrow as Sandy flailed underwater, splashing water everywhere. Finally, Nina pulled him up by the wrist by one arm, only to find him dangling like a dead fish.

"Alright." Nina decided, dropping Sandy's wrist into the water as she headed for the poolside ladder. "Be here at 6 o'clock tomorrow so we can rehearse some more." _Or figure out how to kill a judge and make it look like an accident._

Sandy's face colored as he got on his feet. "But it's midnight!" He yelled as she took a gulp of her sports drink. "There's no way I can get out of bed without a good twelve hours."

Nina glared at him. "Tough." She said. "The Mooreland State University Synch or Swim team is counting on you to _know this_ before 8, and you're not getting any better at the moment."

It was then that she started to notice the tiny ripples on the surface of the water surrounding Sandy, as if someone had just thrown a handful of pebbles around him. Sandy looked down as well, and, not really knowing what was going on, started to freak out.

"AAAAAHHHHH! NINA! HEEEELLLP!" He shouted, running around in circles as the little dots on the water chased him. She let him go around a few times as she hit the bottom of her cigarette pack with her wrist. Nina put the poisonous stick in her mouth before reaching down and picking up one of the dots.

And there was a sea monkey that looked all-too-familiar to Nina sitting in her hand, struggling to get back to the water.

Coincidentally, the next day, University-level Synchronized Swimming Judge Shou Tucker died of a brain aneurysm.


	3. Aoi House Family

**(A/N - This one was solo written by yours truly. My editor heard this song, and I quote, "Is that Japanese Powerpuff Girls?" so of course I had to include it somewhere. It comes from One Piece (Ha. This is non-profit so I can't be sued.) and... I think that's it! You guys enjoy!)**

It was given to her by Oniisan in such a case as this, and Morgan was beginning whether or not to use it. It was meant for this purpose EXACTLY, wasn't it? Would Elle be mad? Elle had used it ever since Morgan brought it back from her meeting with the mysterious "older brother", and the redhead hadn't laid a finger on it afterwards. After all, what could a palm-size gadget do that a Twizzler couldn't?

The tiny Sansa just laid there with a blank screen, devoid of use. It was already pre-loaded by Oniisan with anime themes and other Japanese songs when he had given it to her. Elle had probably loaded it up some monotone guy reading the phone book, as far as Morgan was concerned.

Morgan was jumping up and down on her messy bed (hyper from the three pounds of Swedish fish Carlo gave her earlier) as she pressed a button on it and hooked it up to a pair of speakers she found under Nina's bed. (Nina had given up a long time ago to tell her to stop stealing stuff.)

The keyboard intro blared, and Morgan immediately knew what to sing. "Shirai ja nakute!" She rang out as a tiny hamster crawled in. "Tomodachi ja nakute! Oretachi wa FAMILYYY!" Her tone changed from off-key singing to speaking as she noticed the rodent. "Hiyas Echiboo!"

Echiboo began swaying to the music, making peace signs with his tiny fingers as a girl with glasses and a loose-fitting tanktop slinked in. "Sing with us, Maria!" Morgan yelled out "Shinseki ja nakute! Kyoudai ja NAAAAIIIII!"

_I know the words to this_, Maria thought. "Oretachi wa FAMILY!" was screamed from Morgan's room. "Dadappi roi kaizu miwatashite mite mo." Maria kept singing even as Morgan dropped out. "Kore dake no yatsu mitsukannai ze!"

"OOH!" A certain transvestite founder poked her masculine face in the room. "Do I hear 'Family' goin on in here?" Before the girls could answer, she was already taking center stage with a lovely solo. "Ichiryuu no komari mono, nori konda mazza shiiii!"

"Sore made no joushiki!" Morgan nearly yelled. "Subete kara koi yo!"

"Eberidai sebiba!" Jessica's voice flattered the deformed English. It echoed down the hallway as Jessica walked gracefully in. "Sugee mon gachii!"

Nina decided to join, leaning on the doorframe as everyone, including her, erupted into the bridge of the song. "Ichiban no otakara wo, tsukameruuuu mazzaaa shiiii!"

Simultaneously, in the den, a weird electric-keyboard-trumpet melody could be heard. The remaining members were looking at the hallway as if it held some explanation for the madness.

"It sounds like they're screaming down there." Alex commented to no one in particular as the group erupted into squeals and yells again. "Maybe we should go check on 'em." He said as he turned to Sandy.

Sandy, however, was too busy crunching buttons on his PSP to even realize the crow choir. "Huh?" He asked, not even lifting his round glasses up from the screen. "Morgan has hentai?"

"No," Said Elle flatly as she clicked the mouse buttons on her laptop. "He's talking about-" She was interrupted as the rest of the house broke into song again. "- that."

Alex was already down the hall, followed closely by Sandy for the last chorus. "Sing with us, yaoi pet!" Morgan cheered upon sight of her uhm... pet.

Jessica took Sandy by the hand and led him in the haphazard room. "You know you want to, Tiger." She flirted.

Everyone except Elle broke into the chorus as the "leader" walked in. "Shirai ja nakute! Tomodachi ja nakute!"

Jessica noticed the blonde bombshell standing next to the door. "C'mon Elle, sing!" She said as "Oretachi wa FAMILY!" rang out.

It was then that Aoi House meant what it sang. "Shinseki ja nakute! Kyoudai ja naaaiii! Oretachi waaa FAAAAMMIIILLLLYYYY!"

Laughing and could be heard as the song outroed and the Sansa switched to another song. "Itsumo futaride, always in my heart." The speakers sang. "Aitai na, I'll be missing you, whenever we're apart..."


	4. Carlo's Secret

**(A/N – So between school starting and my own project, I finally got another co-written one-shot finished. About twenty-five percent of this ACTUALLY happened, but I won't tell ya what parts. Enjoy!)**

It was still a quiet day in the bookstore when "she" struck. The only two boys of the anime club sat in the local Books, Etc., reading Sandy's newest purchase while they looked for a collection of Cardcaptor Sakura books for Elle.

"Elle said they should be here, but…" Sandy stuttered, looking up and down the shelves for the books. "Do you see 'em?"

Alex scratched his head in confusion, making his long brown hair move with his hand. "I don't wanna go back without _something_. Elle'll kill us."

"Oh, _boys!_" Both of them looked up at each other with wide eyes at the all-too-familiar coo as they realized where they were. A "girl" came around the corner with a long face and a pip in "her" chin. Carlo held up a few volumes of the random manga with what was meant to be a sensual smile on her face. To Alex, however, the smile showed the sadism behind her intentions.

Before the two college students had a chance to protest, the graduate was already dragging them out of the bookstore as she sang "The club that _stays_ together… _shops_ together!"

"A-Alex," The heavier one stuttered to the other victim. "W-Where is…" He gulped, trying to think of the right pronoun to describe the transvestite founder. "_it_ taking us?"

It was already too late for Alex to answer as red plush carpet was under his feet, and red wallpaper stained the room around them. Alex's mouth grew rigid as he realized their destination was Victoria's Secret.

Carlo grabbed a handful of lingerie without missing a beat as she pulled both Sandy and Alex to the back of the store. "Don't you want to see me try on _this_?" She asked, holding up a pair of ridiculously short shorts, complete with an enlarged blue bow on the back.

Alex could see an assistant attempting to "help" Carlo find a dressing room, but Carlo sped right past her. "I've got it, toots!" She shouted as the boys behind her started to cling to whatever they could fit into their hands. They were about to break free from their captor's grasp at the door, but Carlo jerked them inside as she so illogically reasoned, "C'mon in, the water's fine!"

Alex buried his face in his hands as he threw himself on the bench in the back of the plush room. He had no idea how he was going to get out of this, but he knew enough to not look up no matter what Carlo said.

"Uhh… Alex?" Sandy whispered. Alex groaned to show that he was still, in fact, among the living. "You're sitting on a huge yellow stain."

Alex got up slowly, face still in hand, as he turned towards a back corner. "Now, don't be shy, honey bun!" Carlo sang out. She took a breath as though she was about to say something else, but a knock at the door interrupted him.

"Miss," The attendant timidly called from behind the door. "We would like to inform you of a loose rat invading the store."

Sandy was searching his pockets desperately. "Oh no…" He whispered.

The attendant didn't seem to notice Sandy's revelation. "The rat seems to have invaded our bottoms in stock, so if you find it…"

"ECHIBOO!" Was the last thing Alex heard in Victoria's Secret as Sandy ran out the door.


	5. Elle's True Name

**(E/N – No, I didn't screw up. It is I, Writing Otaku, posting as an _editor_ for my best friend, Unknown Crazy. It's her first solo chapter EVER. This is the first time she's published _anything _she's ever written, so be nice to her!)**

After a long grueling day of being traumatized by the residents of the house, Alex and Sandy set down with a steaming bag of popcorn to watch their favorite ninja anime _Naruto_.

During the anime, Alex turned towards Sandy, "Have you ever wondered what Elle's name means?"

"No, not really. Why?" Sandy asked, stuffing his face with popcorn.

"I dunno." Alex said, reaching for the popcorn.

As the main theme to _Naruto _flares up, the longer-haired one starts musing to himself about it as he chucks another handful of popcorn into his mouth. "Ellen, no that doesn't seem right. Elma, Helen..."

This time, Alex turned toward Sandy with a revelation. "I got it!" Sandy looked at him with a half-shocked, half-horrified face as he continued. "It's EVIL! Elle's name is Evil! It's only missing a 'V' and an 'I'."

"Believe it!" A certain knuckle-headed ninja says in the anime.

Sandy looks at him with his big round glasses. "But... but Alex... that's not the way it's spelled..."

_Author's note- _This is Unknown Crazy, and I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writting it! and

**BEWARE THE YELLOW STAIN!**


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